Playing the Side Quests

I’ve been in an existential fog. Oscillating between life without Julia being long and daunting, to worrying about the fragility of life and how short it is.

In general, it’s easy to settle into routine, the predictability of a steady job, and the comfort of a convenient life only to find yourself swept away, stuck in a rut, stagnant, complacent. Big ambitions are great but can bog you down. Right now, I’m all about encouraging side quests.

What is a side quest?

In games, especially computer games, side quests are an interesting activity for the player to engage with, typically short in duration, and not part of the alpha path (main quest) of the game.

The designer does not expect or require the player to participate in a side quest in order to finish the game.

Sometimes doing the side quests will make the rest of the game easier. Either by the player gaining tactile skill or their character increasing in power.

What’s the point of a life side quest?

A life side quest is a short term goal that’s not important to the overall arc of your personal or professional ambition, but they are a fun reminder of what brings you a sense of joy and adventure

A side quest is a good distraction that, by its very nature, is immediate and actionable. Designed properly, it’s fun, it’s personal, it’s fulfilling, but it’s not necessary.

It’s doing something purely because you want to and not because you have to.

I don’t have to do two 70.3 triathlons this summer but I want to. I probably want to do it even more because I’m not obliged to do it.

That’s the point. A side quest is not necessary to the overall story of your life but a fun little distraction you come across as you travel through the game of life.

Coming up with a side quest is an act of creativity, of finding community, being curious and courageous. Find the right side quest and find a clearer vision of who you are and what you want to be, without tying it to a career or lifelong plan.

Creativity

You get to be creative about designing your side quest, and you can do it with a sense of adventure. Have fun with it, that’s the point. It’s supposed to get you out of your comfort zone but also supposed to bring you joy and fulfillment.

It’s supposed to be tailored around you!

Creating a challenge for myself that plays on the strengths I had as a husband and caregiver (of the endurance required and the good fortune of my physical health) helps to make them part of my identity going forward. Rebuilding identity is an act of creation.

How do you choose to reinforce your idea of who you want to be?

Community

This weekend I’ll travel to DC with the National Brain Tumor Society to share my experience of Julia’s brain cancer journey with members of the Senate and Congress, where I’ll advocate for policies and appropriations.

I get to do this with other people who find this work important and personal; those currently fighting cancer, their loved ones, and those of us navigating grief.

I’ll do it while also raising money for NBTS at the Race for Hope 5K and through Julia’s Man. It’s a lot to train for two half-Ironman distance triathlons, but it’s nothing compared to caregiving and living with brain cancer.

Where is your community and are you engaged in the way you want to be?

Curiosity

In the past, I have been guilty of delaying taking up new hobbies or acting out of childlike interest about the things I’ve come across. Life is short, there is a vast world out there, and we should all be a little more impassive about exploring our curiosities.

I’m curious about what it’s like to train for an endurance-level triathlon, and I’m curious about how it will feel to complete it. I don’t want to delay the knowledge that only comes with experience.

What are you curious about and what can you do to explore it?

Challenge

How often are we pushing ourselves in ways that are only meaningful to us. I like a good challenge. I like to be in competition with myself.

In getting out of my comfort zone, I’m getting to learn what I’m capable of, meet people and hear stories of those that are also interested in challenging themselves just for the sake of it. And I’m enjoying this experience.

How can you challenge yourself in something meaningful to you, and in a fun, sustainable way?

Courage

It takes courage to do the unnecessary thing that no one is asking you to do.

I know this is something frivolous and unnecessary but it’s important to me and that’s all that matters. I don’t have to do this. It’s only for me, and it’s bringing me joy and meaning.

It ties back to my identity of who I want to be and what my recent experience called on me to do. I want to continue to exemplify that courage and inspire others too.

What’s holding you back from your side quest?

What would your life side quest look like?

What would you want to do just for the sake of doing it? What will you do when your sense of adventure calls you to pursue it?

This challenge is temporary, there will be other side quests. But this is making life fun and taking my mind off the daunting idea that there is either a lot of time ahead of me, or that my days are numbered.