Julia’s Man

This June, I’m going to go out and complete a half-ironman distance triathlon in my town in Florida, fly to Scotland, and then do another one in the same week.

Why?

Well, the two triathlons will happen in Mount Dora, Florida and Forres, Scotland. These places are ‘Twin Towns’ or ‘Sister Cities’. I live in Mount Dora but Forres is my hometown.

In 2009, I took part in a high school exchange program and met a girl named Julia. We remained close friends and penpals until 2015, when Julia discovered she had a brain tumor. I dropped everything, confessed I had always loved her, and moved to America to marry her.

In doing these triathlons, I’m just hoping to raise more awareness and support for brain tumor research, patients, and caregivers, and so I’m raising money with Gray Nation Endurance, part of the National Brain Tumor Society.

Julia’s Cancer Journey

In 2015, Julia was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer called Anaplastic Astrocytoma.

Throughout her life, even through her battle with the disease, Julia displayed a great amount of courage, optimism and joy. She got pregnant and gave birth to our son Ruari in 2020. Even though quarantine was a struggle, we were exceptionally happy. Julia had learned to be grateful for having had cancer, as it had brought her a life she had dreamed of.

But Julia’s cancer returned in 2021, and she had her third brain surgery on the Summer Solstice. In the years that followed, Julia exhausted the few approved treatments for this kind of cancer, yet it continued to grow. She participated in a clinical trial at Mayo Clinic, but the tumor continued to grow. She tried a variety of off-label drugs in conjunction with even stronger brain cancer drugs; they made her sicker and the cancer still grew.

Julia had radiation for the second time in January 2023 but, by the summer, not only was the cancer showing significant growth, it had spread to a completely different area of the brain near the cerebellum. In September, she went through proton therapy radiation to treat this area of the brain but it wasn’t enough.

Julia died in November.

Life As a Caregiver

I had many roles during this time as her husband, her partner, her caregiver and advocate, the father to our son, and as the breadwinner.

I’m proud of the work I did and the ways in which I stepped-up. Life since Julia died has technically gotten ‘easier’ but I had built an identity around being Julia’s husband and taking care of my family. To Julia, I was her knight in shining armor, her gladiator - I missed having her doting external validation.

I had used running to cope as a caregiver, and I have long wanted to complete an Ironman triathlon (double the distance of what I’m planning this summer). The training required for this challenge made me feel like her gladiator again - like a champion. I didn’t need to complete an official event but I needed to do something.

So I’m doing this for myself, to continue to be the person fate forced me to become, to challenge myself and to keep myself on my toes.

The Challenge

The challenge I’ve set myself is to complete a 70.3 triathlon, fly across the ocean, and do another 70.3 triathlon.

Each part of the challenge has something that makes me anxious.

The Florida water will be nice and warm, north of 70°F, but for the swim I’m worried about gators and boats in the lake; the cycle has me worried about Florida drivers; and by the time I’m running a half marathon, it will be the middle of a hot, humid Florida day in June.

The Scottish swim will be in frigid loch waters as low as 56°F, and with the pike for company; the terrain will be hillier than I can train on in Florida and the weather more unpredictable; and by the time I get to the run (after doing all of this in one week), I’ll be absolutely exhausted.

But that’s the point. I want to feel the extra, unnecessary fatigue. Being a caregiver was exhausting but I did it, and I want to know I can maintain that level of discomfort and fatigue even when I don’t have to.

In doing hard things just for the sake of it, out of curiosity and a sense of adventure, I’m hoping that people see the effort made and feel moved to learn more about brain tumors or make a donation to the National Brain Tumor Society.